Tips for Managing the Pressure of Caregiving Stress

Caring for our children with medical, developmental, or mental health special needs can be one of the most rewarding blessings in our lives. Even so, the additional responsibilities and extra time and energy needed to meet their needs can strain our resources. Pressure can build impacting our physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, financial, and relational limits.

In the first years of my daughter’s life, I felt like I was constantly living in a pressure cooker. And it showed in how my functioning declined. At some point, many disability or medical parents reach the end of their coping resources and need to develop some new healthy ways to manage stress. These are my top 7 tips for managing stress that are based on research, working with clients, and my own personal experience.

Tips for Managing the Stress

1. Get Organized

Most people operate more effectively when they feel organized. But for us special needs or medical parents that are balancing multiple serious tasks at once, it’s exponentially more important that we utilize the power of super organization. Our children’s welfare (and our own) are at stake.

This is how I operated from the time my daughter, Beth, came home from the NICU until she was 3-years-old.

Feeling overwhelmed and disorganized only increased my anxiety, grumpiness, and fear that I would forget to do something important. Instead of having a visual aid, I wasted precious energy running through my list in my mind throughout the day.

When we create a system that works for us, we gain a sense of control and mastery. We also save time. Taking a little bit of time at the beginning of the week to lay out a plan for each day will save us the energy of waking up each morning stressed about figuring out how to manage the day and get everything done.

Use my Free Special Needs Day Organizer

Of course, I know all to well that with our kiddos, our schedules could go out the window if a medical emergency happens or our children are just having a bad day emotionally and behaviorally. It’s important to give ourselves grace and just plan for the day to not look exactly like our laid out plans. The organizer is there to aid you, not hinder you.

Prioritize. Sometimes we just can’t get it all done. And definitely not perfectly. I’ve learned that I’ve got to let some things go.

2. Ask for Help

There’s no shame in asking for help. Most of the time people might not realize or understand what your life is really like. If there’s a friend that could pick up one of your other children on their way to school or extra curricular activities, they would probably be happy to if they knew how much it would help you.

Here are a few ideas for how to respond if someone asks, “How can I help?”

• “Would you mind sitting with my child for an hour or two so I can take a break?”
• “If you could pick me up a couple of things from the store when you go next time that’d be amazing.”
• “Anytime I don’t have to cook and clean up dishes is a tremendous gift.”

Of course, your response will depend on how well you know the person and your comfort level with them. It always surprises me how these gestures lift my spirits and allow me a breather.

3. Smile in a Mirror

This may sound cheesy, but smiling actually causes positive neurological changes including improving our mood and lowering our anxiety levels. It’s usually when it’s the last thing we want to do that smiling could help us the most.

Stopping to look in the mirror or at your phone camera can help turn your day around when you’re frustrated after a phone call, discouraged, nervous, or irritable.

I encourage you to try it a couple of times.

I’m not suggesting that we should pretend that we’re fine or invalidate our emotions. The purpose of this exercise is to help calm and reset ourselves so we can think clearer and respond to our situations in healthy ways.

4. Find a Release Valve

I was never a runner. And then my mental health imploded when Beth was two-and-a-half years old. I had stopped caring for myself, and there had been nowhere for the pressure to go. So I began jogging. Then I began running more miles, then more miles. Then, I decided to train for a triathlon. I really needed that big of a stress relief. And I still do.

You may not enjoy working out. That’s okay. I just encourage you to find some kind of physical outlet if you’re able.

Physical activity of any kind can help improve our mental health, lower stress, and contribute towards our overall physical health.

5. Stop and Breathe

One of the most effective tools we can use to lower stress is practicing deep breathing exercises. Taking cleansing breaths can lower your heart rate, lower your blood pressure, decrease the intensity of your emotions, lower your levels of stress, decrease anxiety, and help you think clearer.

Practice taking cleansing breaths.

There are numerous exercises to help us learn how to focus on deep breathing. You can do a search on YouTube for “mindfulness breathing exercises” or “guided deep breathing” and choose an exercise that appeals to you. There are short 2-minute exercises to 30-minutes or longer to help you fall asleep.

6. Pray

Sitting in God’s presence seeking help and comfort often helps people feel encouraged and stronger. We can pray for peace, comfort, wisdom, strength, or calm. We can also pray through Scriptures, especially when we can’t find our own words.

I love this verse: “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words” (Romans 8:26, NLT).

You can experience God’s peace in your stressful day.

Combining deep breathing exercises with prayer can be very powerful. We can practice breath prayers, releasing and receiving, breathing in a Scripture verse, or simply noticing God giving us each breath we take.

Practice new breath prayer exercises with my Free eBook.

7. Read or Watch Something Funny

Research studies have shown that caregivers that laugh more are often more resilient and healthier. Laughing releases feel good chemicals that lower stress and improve our mood. Laughing may seem impossible or inappropriate in your circumstances. But in order to enjoy life, we have to find a way to break the tension.

Just looking at one funny meme, reading a funny story, or watching a comedy can help increase our positive emotions and chemicals in our bodies.

What tip would you add to the list?

Please share your ideas in the comments.

Blessings,

Kristin

 *The contents of this article are intended for informational purposes only and not a substitute for seeking professional mental health treatment or medical advice.

Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW

Kristin is an author, a speaker, a mental health therapist, and a special needs mom. Her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper faith and mental health wholeness. As a Licensed Masters Social Worker and with her Masters in Christian Spiritual Formation, she has served in youth, camping, and retreat ministries and is experienced in Christian counseling, couples and family therapy, substance abuse treatment, and crisis counseling. Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. When she is not enjoying life with her family, writing or working with clients, you can find Kristin training for triathlons, reading, or simply being out in nature. Visit her author website at www.KristinFaithEvans.com