How Special Needs Parents Can Ride the Waves of Back-to-School Emotions

Throughout the process of preparing Beth to return to school, I’ve noticed that I’ve experienced waves of different emotions. Some positive and joyful and others painful and difficult. Each Fall our children reach new milestones and enter new grades. We both celebrate their progress and mourn the loss of starting an easy, mainstream year.

I’ll admit that I don’t know the first thing about surfing. But I’ve been tossed around in large waves before. And I’m experienced in counseling clients through this process and learning to successfully ride the waves, myself. I hope these 4 ways to embrace the back-to-school emotions help you as you support your child this new school year.

Be in tune with yourself. Observe yourself experiencing difficult emotions.

At different points I’ve had to stop and validate my feelings. Shopping for supplies, IEP meeting, going to the open house and seeing other 7th grade girls, helping Beth onto her special education bus, and going for parent teacher night. I used to just avoid acknowledging these painful emotions. It was just too hard, and I felt guilty for having those feelings. But I’ve learned over the years to embrace the swirling tide of emotions that hit me each Fall and cope with my grief in healthy ways.

I encourage you to care for yourself just like you would console a hurting loved one. Be tender, supportive, and accepting of your own grief and emotions. If you begin to notice a shift in your mood, a wave of sadness, or any other difficult emotions, take my Five “R” Steps©:

1. Reflect: Think back and identify a moment that might have prompted these thoughts or feelings.

2. Reassure: Validate yourself. It makes sense you’re feeling this way.

3. Release: Give yourself permission to feel your hard emotions. Cry if you need to. Let yourself just be for a bit of time.

4. Reframe: How can you look at your child’s school year differently?

5. Return: Then go back to being present in your day focusing on one moment at a time.

God is our Ultimate Counselor and Comforter.

Pray about your thoughts and emotions. You can process and write your prayers in a journal. God can help us heal and discover new joy.

Here are some of my favorite Scriptures:

• “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

• “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).

• “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

• “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26).

Sometimes it can be hard to see our child’s progress and gifts in the midst of the waves of emotions.

Looking at the school year from a different perspective can fill us with gratitude and joy. List out your child’s amazing qualities and all the ways that they’ve made progress. Say a prayer of thanksgiving. Balancing the painful emotions with the positive can help us cope more effectively and see things more clearly.

Forming relationships with other parents is a critical piece in your support system.

Open house night is the perfect opportunity to connect with other parents of other children with disabilities. Invite them to meet you for coffee and exchange cell numbers. There might even be an online support group for the parents in your school district or town. If not, start one.

Talking with other disability parents can help improve your mental health, outlook, give you valuable tips, and provide you the opportunity to encourage other parents. Support groups can help you tremendously. You’re not meant to feel alone.

What other ways do you manage the Back-to-School emotions?

Help other parents in the comment section below!

Blessings on your family,

Kristin

All Scripture references are from the New International Version.

Kristin Faith Evans, MA, MS, LMSW

Kristin is an author, a speaker, a mental health professional, and a special needs mom. Her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper faith and emotional healing. As a Licensed Masters Social Worker and with her Masters in Christian Education, she has served in youth, camping, and retreat ministries and is experienced in Christian counseling, couples and family therapy, substance abuse treatment, and crisis counseling. Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. When she is not enjoying life with her family, writing or working with clients, you can find Kristin training for triathlons, reading, or simply being out in nature. Visit her author website at www.KristinFaithEvans.com.