It can be difficult to know how to support a parent caring for a child with medical, developmental, or mental health needs. Special needs parents can also have a hard time asking for help for different reasons. I’m sharing ideas for 5 ways you can help a special needs parent.
#1 Offer a Listening Ear
Special needs and medical parents often feel very isolated. It can be uncomfortable and difficult to know what to say, so sometimes it’s just easier to avoid reaching out to them.
Even if you can’t understand your friend’s situation and emotions because your child is healthy and typically-developing, just calling to listen, express care, and offer support can make all the difference in this caregiver’s difficult day. It takes a lot of energy for your friend to reach out to you. So, even if they don’t reach out to you, that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to stay connected. Remember, focus on your friend and try not to compare your life to theirs.
Some sensitive things that you can say and thoughtful questions you can ask:
- How are you doing today?
- That sounds hard.
- Is there any way I can help you?
- Can I bring you you coffee or your favorite treat?
- Could I come over to help you with something or just keep you company?
- It makes sense that you’re tired!
- I’m sorry that you’re going through this difficult time.
- Can I pray for you?
There are also some comments that might not be so helpful:
- You’re so strong.
- God gives special children to special parents.
- Yeah, I’ve had a difficult day, too. My son’s been cranky.
- I’m also really busy. I’ve got to take my son to soccer, my daughter to ballet, and go out to dinner with my husband.
- What are you doing all day?
- I don’t understand why you’re so stressed.
#2 Offer to Bring Groceries or a Meal
It can be difficult for a special needs parent to think of a way that you can help them.
So if you offer a very specific task you would like to do to support them, they are more likely to accept your offer. These parents are very busy and likely tired. Even just saving them the time of cooking one meal or dropping off groceries can brighten their day and allow them time to take a much-needed break. Special needs parents might worry about being burden on you. If you can phrase it like it wouldn’t be burdening you, they may feel better about taking you up on it.
Some things to consider:
- Family members may have food allergies or sensitivities. Many children with special needs are on a specific diet.
- Ask what their family’s favorite meal is.
- Ask if there’s any meal that they don’t like.
- Ask what would be the perfect time to drop off the meal or groceries.
- You can say, “I’m fixing this meal and would like to make double to bring to you. Would that be okay?”
- You can say, “I’m going to the grocery store this afternoon. Can I pick you up some things you need and drop them off?”
#3 Offer to Sit With Their Child to Give Them a Break
As a mom, it can be difficult to even get a shower some days. As a parent caring for a child with additional needs, taking a shower can become a luxury.
Sitting down or getting out of the house to go for a walk can help improve the caregiver’s mental health. They may not accept your offer, but if you suggest a specific way that you can watch their child or entertain them, they just might.
Some things to consider:
- It can be difficult to allow other people in the home due to their child’s medical fragility, challenging behaviors, or because the parent might be embarrassed about how messy their home is. You might respond to their objection about their house with something like, “My house is really messy right now too” (if it’s true, of course).
- There’s likely going to be very specific instructions. Just know that it’s not going to be like sitting with the average child.
#4 Offer to Do Laundry or Clean
I know from experience that with all the extra responsibilities, basic housework tasks fall to the bottom of the priority list.
With therapy and doctors’ appointments, paperwork, phone calls, emails, medical caregiving, managing challenging behaviors, and on and on, laundry and dishes can pile up when medical supplies have to be washed or a child needs intensive attention. If they are willing to accept your offer, this act can be a tremendous help to the parent!
#5 Offer to Learn How to Do the Medical Care to Give Them a Break
Offering to learn how to administer some of the medical care for their child could be very meaningful to the parent.
They may only feel comfortable going to the next room and not leaving the house, but they might be able to take a nap or a shower. Over time, they may feel more comfortable leaving the house for short periods of time. This act of kindness could make a tremendous difference in the life of the family.
Things to Keep in Mind:
- Baby steps–offer to learn something small at first like administering a breathing treatment.
- Be prepared that they may decline your offer. You can always gently ask again in the future.
- Realize that when the parent accepts your offer, this is a huge act of trust on their part.
Above all, just listening and asking caring questions can mean the world to a caregiver!
What would you add or change about this list?
Share your ideas with other parents in the comments.
Blessings,
Kristin
Kristin Faith Evans is an author, a speaker, a mental health therapist, and a special needs mom. Her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper faith and emotional healing. As a Licensed Masters Social Worker and with her Masters in Christian Education, she has served in youth, camping, and retreat ministries and is experienced in Christian counseling, couples and family therapy, substance abuse treatment, and crisis counseling. Kristin lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. When she is not enjoying life with her family, writing or working with clients, you can find Kristin training for triathlons, reading, or simply being out in nature. Visit her author website at www.KristinFaithEvans.com
Special Needs Moms Blog